Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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