i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
