I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
