dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
