At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
