I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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