:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
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a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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