I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I could fuck to npr.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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