Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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