I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
