I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
