it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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