They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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