32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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