I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
