And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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