babies were throwing up all over the place
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
