The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
