i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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