So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
