I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
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This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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