i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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