I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize