So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
