I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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