You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I want her autograph on my taint
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
