In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
