I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
