i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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