I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
