I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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