5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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