Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize