No stitches, just platelets and will power
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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