having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
