All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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