Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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