Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode