How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The feeling are messing with the penis
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
