just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green