I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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