I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs