Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.

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(619): I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe. http://tfl.nu/jto0

Replies (24) Good night (4287) Bad night (608)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem

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(704): the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem http://tfl.nu/ycgy

Replies (10) Good night (3948) Bad night (664)
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(416): View more from Ontario

He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

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(416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk

Replies (52) Good night (11409) Bad night (1091)
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(516): View more from New York

That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.

(1-516): View more from New York

yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.

(516): View more from New York

Do you have to put it that way?

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(516): That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him. (1-516): yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him. (516): Do you have to put it that way? http://tfl.nu/hbgy

Replies (21) Good night (6194) Bad night (892)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.

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(304): as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now. http://tfl.nu/olha

Replies (8) Good night (3512) Bad night (1268)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.

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(832): He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like. http://tfl.nu/ukkd

Replies (21) Good night (3767) Bad night (985)
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(315): View more from New York

He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...

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(315): He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water... http://tfl.nu/f31b

Replies (12) Good night (837) Bad night (2714)
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(949): View more from California

Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.

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(949): Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand. http://tfl.nu/6vlj

Replies (6) Good night (708) Bad night (1085)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.

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(508): Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos. http://tfl.nu/qg1c

Replies (7) Good night (1730) Bad night (526)
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(240): View more from Maryland

A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it

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(240): A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it http://tfl.nu/zmnm

Replies (3) Good night (1205) Bad night (503)
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(713): View more from Texas

WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!

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(713): WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?! http://tfl.nu/7tg4

Replies (10) Good night (488) Bad night (738)
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(518): View more from New York

We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours

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(518): We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours http://tfl.nu/zbw4

Replies (9) Good night (972) Bad night (361)
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(786): View more from Florida

Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.

(1-786): View more from Florida

Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?

(786): View more from Florida

I insist.

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(786): Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted. (1-786): Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat? (786): I insist. http://tfl.nu/nbuf

Replies (2) Good night (1018) Bad night (266)
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(310): View more from California

I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.

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(310): I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/rytq

Replies (5) Good night (653) Bad night (254)
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(416): View more from Toronto

He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw

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(416): He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw http://tfl.nu/7ku2

Replies (8) Good night (339) Bad night (596)

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