I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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