Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
