Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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