I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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