we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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