it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
