I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
