So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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