would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
