Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
