Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
