Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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