I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
