I puked a lego.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
