Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
