Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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