you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
