I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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