Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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