I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
