So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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