i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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