pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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