sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Blood and glitter go together right?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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