the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
