U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
