He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
