Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
